The radio...

Did you know that nobody's winning when everyone's losing?

Thanks to Theory of a Dead Man for that useful bit of information that I had absolutely no idea could be true prior to them.. Thanks!

And Gavin Rossdale...why is he famous again? Is it for such inspiring lyrics as:

A thousand times I've seen you standing
Gravity like a lunar landing
You make me want to run till I find you
I shut the world away from here
I drift to you, you're all I hear
As everything we know fades to black

Since, you know, in a couple of those lines he talks about going towards the poor sod this song is for. But also says "gravity like a lunar landing." Lunar, as in the moon, which we all know has so much gravity? He just wanted to say "lunar" because it's by far the most complex word in the entire song. "City buzz sounds just like a fridge." Poetry. I'm in awe. I have always wanted a love song that talks about a fridge.

Things I think about when somebody mentions a fridge:

1. Eating
2. William "The Refrigerator" Perry
3. An alternative to air conditioning
4. Mold

Love song is clearly not on the list.

St. You Have No Future Here

There's a local college here called St. Catherine's, St. Kate for short. It's a college for woman. All well and good. Until you hear their commercials. Utterly atrocious. All of them. But I have one that drives me absolutely insane each time I hear it on the radio.

Woman walks in for a psychic reading and asks about her future. Psychic replies, "You will be surrounded by your peers, unrivaled attention, great environment, blah diddy blah." The woman is suitably impressed.

She inquires, "How do you know?"

"I read your sweatshirt."

"Oh, well, what will I do for work?"

"Well, you'll be studying [standard list of course offerings]."

"Wow, how did you know that?"

"I visited the St. Kate's website."

"Ok, where will I live?"

"That is unclear."

Gratefully, the commercial ends here. So what we have here is an attempt at humor. The joke is that psychics are crack-pots out for your money. Complete phonies. But the twist is that the commercial should be playing up their strengths. Instead, all we get is an add for the website full of propaganda. Even the "psychic" doesn't know anything about the school beyond that.

Rather than extolling the virtues, the ad knocks the school. Nobody knows anything about the school that doesn't visit the website. The commercial goes so far as to dodge any real question.

The message I get from this commercial is that the school is so un-confident, has so little faith in itself, that it cannot predict anything for its students' success. It's just bad.

A revival of sorts...a rebirth

I have had several requests to start blogging again. Many of these from myself. I do miss an aspect of writing even if the only one amused is me.

So I have decided to cave in to my self-peer-pressure and attempt to blog again. However, my life is still an utter borefest. And rather than try to twist it into something with a slight bit of humor, I am going to ignore it. Instead, I shall make fun of things. This is a great pastime of mine and it never gets old.

So most of my focus will be on making fun of things but to do so without limiting my scope would give me carpel tunnel in the first day. There is so much I could make fun of at any given time. I have given myself a goal then. I shall only make fun of advertisements. These elicit a certain passion in me. Not "passion" in a good sense that I want to make love to them. No, "passion" as in I want to beat the crap out of the consulting and marketing people who came up with them.

I know I know. It may seem a tad counterproductive to hate an advertisement and then spend however long I intend discussing said advert. I cannot help myself. I like to babble and rant. So I will. In my mind, I will gather a large following of readers who agree with me and we will storm the premises of the marketing people. Once there, we will establish our pure and righteous empire. Henceforth, only good ads will be sent out for public consumption. All will be right in the world when I am not angry for turning on the radio.

I also accept that people will disagree with my statements. Woopie-do. Of course I am going to like the World of Warcraft ad more than I am going to like the Debeers ad.

Yet, I can tell that somebody is going to like the Debeers ad and so may still be deemed appropriate. I can, however, still point and laugh at certain aspects of these ads. For example, I bought a ring from Shane Co. Inside the building they have a little brochure about protecting your investment. On the cover of said brochure is a picture of a happy couple - both facing the you but with the dude's arms wrapped around his woman. Her hands rested on his arms. You see a giant ring on her hand. It is a quaint and idyllic pose.

But, alas, there are some glaring problems with this photo. First, the ring is clearly photoshopped onto her hand. It is done really really badly. It is too big for her hand, the coloring does not match, it is too shiny so that it does not fit the lighting of the photo and it is just plainly cut into the picture wrong. So, yeah, bad. Secondly, and probably most important for jeweler of this magnitude, the ring is on the WRONG HAND! Seriously, what the hell? Do you want any sort of credibility? You have prominently displayed IN YOUR STORES, a photo of the engagement wring on the wrong hand! What sort of message are you sending to your customers? "We are so completely competent that we do not know which hand the ring goes on."

Over the course of a year, the brochures have remained in store. It must not be bad for business but I still wonder what genius let that brochure out the door.

See, now you get the idea. Hopefully, I can keep this up for an extended period.

The State Fair...again

I really love the Minnesota state fair. It's just the best. Great food, lots to see, lots of walking and the people watching. I have yet to find a better place to people watch.





Seriously, look at all those people. There's some doozies in there too.





You have the standards: Ms. I-wish-I-hadn't-see-that-belly; Miss I'd-like-to-see-more-than-that-belly; Mr. Am-I-a-Mister; and etc. Then there's this guy.


Look at his pants. I don't recall his undershirt matching. The hat is batman. Now, look closely at his right ear. That's a mousetrap. Yes, a mousetrap is dangling from his ear. Lovely.

In other news, work is decent. Rather dull as it's a slow time. It should pick up Thursday.

Last weekend, Momma D came in for a visit. Good times were had by all. We originally intended to go golfing. Friday, it started raining and did not quit for a week. So we went to this fun place that had indoor mini-golf, laser tag and bumper cards. We played 3 straight games of laser tag. We beat up on 12 year old girls. We lost to the 12 year old boys. It was Momma's and Utah's faults. I totally owned but they got owned. I'm not going to talk about mini-golf other than to say I got a hole in one in each round we played.

Defying Gravity - Chili's Chips and Salsa

I've been rather bored at work so I wrote a parody song. It's to the tune "Defying Gravity" from Wicked. I removed some of the dialogue so it's more song. First draft.

Something has stirred within me.
Something is not the same.
I’m through with eating by the rules
Of someone else’s meal.
It’s too late for second-helpings
Too late to count the calories
Close my eyes: and eat!

It’s time to eat
Chili’s chips and salsa
I think I’ll eat
Chili’s chips and salsa
And it won’t weigh me down.

I’m through accepting hunger
‘Cuz slim fast says its so.
Some things I cannot eat
Somebody tried, they are no more.
Too long I’ve been sitting here
Starving and gaining weight
Well, if I diet
It comes at much too high a cost!
I’d sooner buy
Chili’s Chips and salsa
Kiss it goodbye
Chili’s Chips and salsa
And it won’t weigh me down

Unlimited
Together they’re unlimited
Together they’re the greatest team
There’s ever been
Food, the way we planned ‘em
If they work in tandem

There’s no meal they cannot fill
Chips and salsa
Chili's Chips and salsa
Chips and Salsa
Chili's Chips and salsa
It’ll never weigh us down!
Well? Are you coming?

I really hope you get it
And don’t live to regret it.
I hope you’re happy in the end.
I hope you’re happy, my friend.

So if you care to find me
Look to the closest store
As someone told me lately,
“Happy hour half priced starters.”
And if I’m eating solo
At least I’m eating cheap
To those who ditch me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I eat
Chili's Chips and Salsa
I’m gorging on
Chili's Chips and Salsa
And soon I’ll have had my fill
And nothing in all of town
No meal here or elsewhere
Is ever gonna weigh me down!

A Come Back?

Maybe soon.

It's been a slightly crazy couple of weeks. But really nothing to report.

I took that silly bar exam. May my number 2 lead pencils rest in pieces.

I visited Brooklyn out in NC for a bit. I read the last Harry Potter.

I spent the night in Cincinnati on my way home. Don't fly Delta. Assholes, I lost 12 hours.

I moved. Twelve hours later than I had planned too. Nice, shiny, new apartment. Cat freaked out for a few days. She's still a bit testy but much better. I have a swimming pool and, now, a tan.

So, I've finally settled in. Put in a full week at my first, real, full-time job. It's good.

Maybe I'll get back into the swing of things blogging. Been a bit blog lazy for a while. So for now, nothing to see here. Move along.

Hell? Been there, done that.

I would like to take this moment to announce that I have finished taking the Minnesota Bar Exam.

I would also like to announce that Bar/Bri semi-lied to us. Every essay was completely against their odds of what would be on the test. And every essay was on more minuscule details than they claimed they would be.

I continue further griping in that both Bar/Bri and PMBR multiple choice questions were absolutely nothing like the actual questions we saw during the exam. Even if the review questions were more difficult, they completely change how you study and what you're looking for.

I am now currently happy until October. At which point, I receive my results and may likely be angry for a few days.